The rest of Hanukkah passed and Jake had a decision to make. How was he going to help his siblings prepare for the loss of their parents? Better yet, how was he going to do that when he himself was barely ready to lose them himself? That was the hardest part.
With the siblings that stuck around after the New Year began- though their parents had already left for home in Jerusalem- he called a family meeting. He sucked in a deep breath and tried to figure out what to tell them all as he waited for Delilah or Jeremiah to come up the stairs to come get him.
While he sat and thought, there was a knock on the door of his office where he was handling household affairs as the prepared for his meeting. “Come in. It’s open”, he called.
The door opened to his oldest son who was taking the semester off. He’d gotten all of his prerequisites out of the way and needed a little time to clear his head. Thankfully, he had a week to register if he wanted to start online classes while he was home. “Hey Dad”, he said with a lopsided grin.
“What’s up, Ira?”
“Can I borrow your ear for a minute? I wanted to talk to you real quick.”
“Come on and close the door, son. What’s on your mind?”
“I’ve been thinking the past few weeks about what I wanted to actually do with myself. I mean, don’t get me wrong I love cars, but I don’t really think I want to work with them for the rest of my life, you know?”
“I can understand that. If I hadn’t had my heart set on medical school I would have either gone into the military or become a mechanic. I had a car that I would have loved to learn how to fix when it broke down.”
“What happened to the car?”
“It was totaled in the wreck that brought about the premature arrival of your older sister.”
“Really? Yikes!”
Jake shrugged. “As much as I loved the car, the safety of your mother and sister were far more important.” He took his glasses off of his face and pressed the points on the outside of his eyes and held them for a minute. “So, what have you decided to do with yourself for the rest of your life?”
“Dad, I want to be a shrink.” The look on Ira’s face said that he was dead serious.
Jake nodded. “May I ask why?”
“Well, if you think about it Dad, it’s kind of a tradition in this little portion of the Draiman family to go into a field that deals with the brain. You’re a neurologist. Never mind the Nobel Prize thing. Mom is a Body- Mind Therapist. That deals with the connection between the two and working with it. Technically, she’s a shrink. Miri is becoming a veterinary neurologist. What better for me to do, right? Anyway, as your son, I’m as fascinated by human behavior as you are. I want to know why?.”
Jake nodded. “All very sound and well thought out points, my son. Kudos for that.”
Ira nodded. “Thank you.”
“Are you asking my permission?”
“More for advice. This is what I want to do. I’m just not sure what field of psychology I want to specialize in, or if I want to specialize at all.”
“I see. You want to know what Grampa always told us growing up?”
“Sure. What did Grampa tell you when you were lost and needed advice?”
“Follow your passions. If this is what you want, do it. If you think that human behavior is the most fascinating thing you’ve ever encountered then do it. If Criminal Psychology is what interests you, then do it. Follow your passions, my son. It’s rare that the heart leads you astray.”
“Did Grampa really say all of that?”
“No. His advice was always personalized to the situation, as was Gramma’s. Your situation called for special wording because you’re a special child. All four of you are special to me. I want you all to understand that. From Miri to you, to the twins- you’re all special and will receive the best advice that I as your father can think to provide you.”
“You pulled that out of your ass”, Ira laughed.
“Am I that obvious?” Jake laughed in return. “Seriously, Ira. Do what you’re passionate about. If this is what you want, do it. I’m behind you and so is Mom. Ok?”
“Yeah. Thanks Dad.”
“No problem son. Now, I’ve got to hurry and finish paying these bills before your aunts and uncles arrive and I have to talk to them about Gramma and Grampa.”
“Dad, can I put in my two cents on that?”
“If you think it will help, son. What do you suggest?”
“Gramma and Grampa are going to die. I know no one is ready for it. Hell, I’m barely ready for it though I’ve known for a long time that it was coming eventually. All you can really do is mentally prepare yourself for it. None of us are going to be able to nail down exactly when they’re going to go so we can’t really be ready, but you can resign yourself to it and stop worrying about it all the time.”
“Just resign ourselves to the fact that it’s coming and there’s nothing we can do about it?”
“What is it that song Grampa wrote says? ‘Time is just another God of the Mind.’ We’re all slaves to it and there never seems to be enough. Like it or not, they’re going to go. All you can do is resign yourself to it and get ready for it to finally happen.”
---------------
When Jake came down the stairs to talk with his brothers and sisters, he kept in mind the words of his son. Ira was surprisingly wise for his age. Beyond his years wise. He never imagined that his own son would be offering him advice, but then again Jake himself had done it with his father on several occasions. It wasn’t anything new. He had been a voice of reason when his father was at a loss. He would take the reins and give his father a break. It seemed to him that Ira was preparing to do that for him.
When he called the family meeting to order, he cleared his throat. “We all know why I’ve called us here. Mom and Dad don’t have a lot of time left in this world. The question is, how do we prepare for that? How do I, as your older brother- and in Malachai’s case younger brother- help you cope with the fact that we are going to lose our parents? I’ve been pondering this for a very long couple of weeks and I have finally found an answer, thanks to my oldest son. In Dad’s own words, ‘Time is just another God of the mind’. We’re all slaves to time. There is nothing that we can do about time taking its toll- whether it’s on our bodies, our minds, or our very lives. All we can do at this point where our beloved father and sainted mother are concerned is just resign ourselves to the fact that they are going to go soon. How soon? I have no idea. That’s a piece of knowledge that I don’t have and believe me, I wish I did. It would make this a lot easier. We’d know when we have to let them go by.” Jake took a minute to take a breath and swallow the lump in his throat. “We have to give them permission to go”, he said as he choked back tears. “I know it’s not what we want to do, but it’s what must be done.”
“You make is sound so easy”, Jordan said sadly.
“It’s not easy, Jordan. Trust me. You think I wanted to hear my own son tell me that I needed to resign myself to the fact that our parents were going to die? I know you don’t want to say good bye. I don’t want to say goodbye. But, they’re suffering through the pain for us. Dad doesn’t let it show, but he’s in a great deal of pain daily from all of his issues. Mom’s back is acting up again and she can’t use her hands like she used to. They’re in their 80’s for God’s sake. We’re being selfish by not letting them go. You know it and I know it. Jordan, we’ve had 46 years with them. It’s time to let them go.”
Jeremiah nodded. “Jake’s right. We have to let them go or they’re going to keep hanging in there until we finally grow up. The night I went out and picked them up to bring them in for Hanukkah, Mom broke down over the fact that she couldn’t grip the bag that had the kid’s gifts in them. She couldn’t make her hand close around the handle. And I see the pain in Dad’s eyes every time he stand up off of this couch to do anything, whether it’s go to the kitchen to get a drink or to go into the downstairs bathroom to take a piss. Will either of them complain about it to us? No. They’ll grin and bear it until the bitter end just like they always have. We need to get over the fact that we don’t want to lose our parents and let them die already. Dad will be 85 in two months. Mom will be 82 in five months. It’s time to let them go.”
Jake sucked in a breath and nodded. “Thank you, ‘Miah.”
“Not a problem Jake. It was my pleasure. I hate seeing them suffer as much as you do.”
Jake just nodded. “Look, there’s nothing we can do to make them better, even though I wish there were. As a medical doctor, I wish I could think of a way that would give Mom and Dad their youth back but I also know that it’s not possible. Trying to defy time is impossible. One way or another time wins. We have to accept that. If there’s anything I can do to make this easier on you, let me know and if it’s in my power I will make it so. If you need to talk, I’m here to listen. I can’t speak for anyone else. It’s not my place. Now, I have bills to finish paying on for the month and two college aged children to make sure their tuition is paid. I need to step away. Chat amongst yourselves or whatever you want to do. I’ve said what I have to say. This family meeting, as far as I’m concerned is adjourned.” He turned and walked as quickly as he could up the stairs so that he could disappear into his office and hide. He needed to have a few moments to himself.
Once he disappeared behind his office door, he put his back to the door and slid down the length of it as his emotions overcame him. He didn’t want his parents to die, though it was inevitable. Briefly, he remembered his Uncle’s death so many years before. He’d known that was coming and he hadn’t wanted that either, but he had accepted it. It was bittersweet. His parents parting however; the only sweet thing about that would be that they would no longer be in pain. That was the only upside.
Jeremiah looked at his brothers and sisters. "I echo what Jake said. If there's anything I can do to help you through this let me know and I will do it if I can. I need to get to the doctor. First, I'm going up and check on our brother." He headed up the stairs to Jake's office and knocked softly on the door. "Jake, you ok in there?"
He heard a sniffle on the other side of the door. "Call my wife. I need Delilah."
"You got it", Jeremiah said as he pulled his phone out. "Lilah, it's 'Miah. Jake's in a bit of a rough spot and he needs you home. Can you tear yourself away? No? You want me to bring him to you on my way to town? I have an appointment with the osteopathic Doctor a few blocks over. I could pick him up on the way back home. Ok, I'll drag me crying brother out the door so that he can cry on your shoulder. Yes, he's crying. I can hear him through the door. Yeah, thought that would get your attention. Ok. Well, good thing I don't have to leave just yet. If he'll let me in the room I'll sit with him. Bye, Delilah." He knocked on the door again. "Jake, let me in. I have orders from Delilah to sit with you until she can get here to hold you while you fall apart." The door opened just a little and he heard movement. He walked into the office. "You ok in here?"
"Not really, bro", Jake said as he sat down behind the desk. "Jordan acts as though it's easy for me to say that we need to give Mom and Dad permission to die. I don't want them to go any more than the rest of us do. That I had to say that killed me. I want them to stick around as long as possible, but I don't want them to suffer. I see the pain their faces when they move around too and it breaks my heart. I don't want to hear Dad's joints snap and pop when he stands up. I don't want to see Mom struggle to stand up straight because her back is giving her trouble. That kills me the worst. I wish we could convince them to move back because caring for them would be so much easier."
Jeremiah nodded. "What you said out there was hard for all of us to hear. I was hard for me to say what I said, but it had to be said, Jake."
"I know it had to be said; that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"Was it really Ira that gave you the 'we have to give them permission to go' thing?"
"Yeah, even quoted 'God of the Mind' to me. He said we need to all resign ourselves to it and get ready."
"Boy is wise beyond his years."
"No kidding. And you know what he came in here to tell me?"
"No; what?"
Jake forced a laugh. "He wants to be a shrink."
Jeremiah chuckled. "Good for him. He'll make a great one. Maybe he'll revolutionize the field like his father did neurology."
Jake chuckled. "Who knows?"
They sat and talked about losing their parents and both of them were fighting off tears before Delilah came home with Jona in tow. Jona was going with Jeremiah to his doctor’s appointment with him whether he liked it or not. She wanted to know just what was going on with is back and what could be done about it.
Delilah walked into the office not bothering to knock. It was her husband’s office. “Jeremiah, Jona is waiting for you out front to take you to the doctor”, she said as she made her way behind Jake’s desk and took him in her arms.
Jeremiah nodded as he headed out the door as he wiped tears from his eyes. As he stood from the chair he was sitting in, he felt his back starting to protest. This is ridiculous, he thought stood and walked out of Jake’s office. As he shut the door behind him the last thing he saw Jake’s arms wind around Delilah’s waist as his shoulders racked and they both started to sob.”
---------------
When he knew that he was alone with his wife he started sobbing into the scrub top she wore. What he felt in his heart was a pain beyond words. Whether they were deathly ill or not, his parents were ding. “I don’t want them to go, Lilah!” he cried. The sound was muffled because he had his face pressed against his wife’s stomach.
She shushed him as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I know, Jakey. I don’t want them to go either, but we all know it’s coming. It’s inevitable, my love.”
“But this is my Mama and Daddy we’re talking about. They’re supposed to live forever, dammit!”
“You and I are both are too old to believe such foolishness, Jacob”, she said as she wiped the tears that flowed down her face away. Her heart was broken too. She knew about the dream he’d had during Hanukkah. His dreams could be both bitter and sweet.
He sobbed for a little while longer before speaking again. “You know what sucks the most, Delilah?” he asked as he pulled away and wiped his eyes.
She smiled down at him sadly with red puffy eyes. “What’s that, Jacob?”
“Our oldest son is too smart for his own good.” He started fiddling around with his computer to finish the bills.
She cleared off the corner of the desk and hopped up on it. “Ira? What did he say?”
“He was the one that told me that we all, basically, need to grow up and just let them go.” He sat back in his high backed office chair and sighed. “I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders right now. I have to deal with the funeral arrangements so that everything is ready when they finally do go. I have to help my siblings get ready for our parents passing while trying to prepare for it myself. Meanwhile, I have a practice and a household to run. I don’t think I can do this, Lilah.”
She smiled at him. “You’re not doing it alone, Jakey. I’m here for you. You know that. I will do whatever I have to do to make all of this easier on you, as I’m sure Jeremiah will. He’s not going to let you be overcome by all of this and neither am I. Now, you mentioned to me that he had a warning for you and one about Ira.”
Jake knew what she was talking about. “Yeah. Speaking of our son Ira, he told me what he wants to do with himself for the rest of his life.”
“OH?”
“Yeah. To use his word, he wants to be a shrink.”
“A psychiatrist?”
“More a psychologist.”
“I’ve never really understood the difference.”
“The biggest difference is that one is more focused on the medical reasons. That’s the psychiatrist. A psychologist is more focused on the psychological reasons behind something. Psychiatry is a medical degree. Psychology is a doctorate is he wants to become a doctor. One's an MD, one's a PhD. That's really all the difference.”
“So Psychiatry would mean medical school.”
“Yeah.”
“Would you pull strings to get him into Johns- Hopkins?”
“Dunno. One the one hand, he’s my son and I want him to have the best education. On the other, I don’t want there to be an appearance of nepotism. I guess it would all depend on what he wants and if he came to me and asked that of me. To be honest, it’d be easier to get him into Loyola Medical rather than Johns-Hopkins. I still talk to people at Loyola. I have no friends in Boston.”
“Why not?”
“I left Johns-Hopkins University in my rearview mirror and made sure they ate my dust. I had a few friends from my days in Boston that did the same and we still talk, but none of them teach there.”
She nodded. “Do you have friends at Loyola?”
“Many.”
“That’s cool. What was the warning for you?”
“The same issue Mom had after Miri was born is haunting me. I need to try to get into the Doctor soon to get a diagnosis. I don’t want to be the typical doctor that doesn’t see his own physician and diagnoses himself.”
“I’ll get on that and make sure that you get in to see who you need to. Have you ever thought about trying that doctor that Jeremiah goes to? The osteopathic doctor that has an office not far from the clinic?”
“I have, I just haven’t had time to call to see about an appointment.”
“I’ll do that tomorrow on my lunch break. See, you don’t have the weight of the world resting solely on your shoulders. It’s a joint load, Superman. Let me share it with you and we’ll get through this whole mess just fine.”
---------------
As they walked out of the doctor’s office hand in hand, Jeremiah spun Jona around as they walked out to their car. “This is nice”, he said. “This isn’t something we get to do often.”
“What?” Jona asked with a giggle as she was spun around.
“Just me and you; no kids, not siblings, and neither of us have to work. We could go to lunch and enjoy the time to ourselves. That is, until Matt and Rina get home from school.”
She smiled. “Sounds like fun. Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t care. You choose.”
“What about that nice little café out near the campus?”
“You like that place huh?”
“Yeah. Don’t you?”
“I do for the most part. I’m just not fond of the food. The coffee is good though.”
“They have things that fit in with the diet that Dr. Jackson approved of me putting you on when you voiced concerns about blood pressure and the diet. Things like kale, okra, and celery are what I was talking about. Things with natural sodium, not iodized stuff like table salt or other greasy foods. The naturally occurring sodium from the healthy foods balances the calcium in your body so the bones have a lesser chance of fusing. And have you ever heard of the saying 'your genetics are the gun; your lifestyle is the trigger'? I will make sure you keep it at bay- if not maybe fix it- and use everything in my arsenal from foods to supplements to take that probable chance of surgery out of the equation. I do understand if it does come down to surgery, but if I can help it, I'll make sure you don't have to go through what your mom went through."
He chuckled. "Very true, but I'm not worried about it. I know that you'll take care of me. And Yes, Jona my love, I've heard that adage before. My mother was one of the healthiest people that I've ever known- active until her doctor told her no more. Remember? She and Dad would run, and work out like crazy, and dive when they traveled. When they were told no more, they stopped. And the fact that they're not as physically active as they used to be is what's got her so messed up. But, love, if a diet that's high in natural sodium will help to keep me off the operating table I'll be a very happy camper. I don't want to have my back opened up. Any kind of back surgery is dangerous, we both know that. Anyway, at least it was caught early, right? Mom's wasn't caught until she was nearly debilitated by it. Mom is stubborn and won't go to the doctor unless she has to. You know my mother. Thankfully, I didn't inherit that little bit of stubborn, right?” He opened her car door for her and waited for her to get in the car.
"Good. It’s nice to know we're on the same page. I'm just making sure; you know how I am. Especially with the ones I love." She wrapped her arms gently around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. "I am glad we caught it early. The sooner we do something about it, the better. And you may not have inherited you mom's stubbornness, but you certainly got her sweet, patient charm. Although I think our daughter might have inherited that stubbornness. Maybe even the short fuse I had when I was a teenager”, she laughed.
"Yes love. I know you and we are on the same page." He placed a kiss on her nose. "Me too. If we can stave this off, and keep me out of surgery the happier I'll be. I won't do surgery unless I have to and that's the only choice other than paralysis. I'm not losing my ability to walk to genetics." He blushed, a flush of red spreading over his face, neck and ears. He rubbed at his pink his pink ears as he spoke again. "Sweet, patient charm? Am I 'charming'? I'm just 'Miah. That's all I've ever been, but you're certainly not kidding about Rina. That girl is stubborn and ill tempered. The only thing that will overcome that is patience and love." After all the time they’d been married, she still knew just what to say to make him blush redder than a Coca Cola bottle label. He both loved and hated it at the same time.
She chuckled at his embarrassment. "Of course you're 'you'. But the sweetness and patience that is a part who you are has never ceased to 'charm' me. And that patience helps me tame our Rina's little temper. I love her and admire her bold personality, if she becomes a spoiled diva as a teen; I think there's a chance that I could make her head roll. And you know I'm quite the sight to see when my patience runs thin." She laughed.
The blush on his cheeks quickly became a very serious look. "'Diva Rina' will NOT happen. I had to deal with that with my sister Jordan. Still do sometimes. I will not tolerate it from my own daughter. She will always be 'Daddy's little girl', but I won't do 'spoiled little princess'. If you've never seen me lose my temper, you will if she starts letting the tendencies to be like Aunt Jordan get the best of her as a teenager. You won't have to make her little head roll. Daddy will do that."
She smiled softly. “Calm down. Thankfully, she’s not there yet. Let’s just relax and go enjoy our lunch, how does that sound? From there, I’ll either help Delilah make dinner or we’ll eat with my parents. I’ll have to call Mom to see what she wants to do. I think Damien and Avery might be over tonight and they’ll want a little bit of face time with all of us. And I think Matt wants to hang with Uncle Damien for a little bit.”
“Having your brother around has been a good thing for Matthew. I’ve been very grateful that your family has been so close. It’s been a blessing for sure with my parents being so far away after Dad retired.”
She smiled. “My Dad adores you. You know that. So does my Mom.”
“I know.” He kissed her lips briefly, just a phantom of a brush and he was gone. “Let’s go eat, Jona. I’m hungry.”
No comments:
Post a Comment