That night after everyone had eaten B looked at Eli with a sly smile. “What has you so happy?” Eli asked in a whisper.
“You still haven’t asked”, B whispered back.
“Asked what?”
“Oh, don’t tell me you forgot that you were supposed to ask your grandparents a question.”
“Oh yeah. That reminds me.” He waited until the story his Uncle James was telling about something Gabe had done in school then cleared his throat and asked his question. “Gramma, Grampa. I know that there are a few young ones in the room so I’ll keep this as PG as I can, but I’ve got a huge question that I’m dying to know the answer to.”
David looked at his second oldest grandson with a question. “What might that be?”
“Are you two still active?” He placed emphasis on active for a reason.
Brie and David stared at him for a brief moment in disbelief that he’d actually asked the question, then started to chuckle. “Very much so. We may be in our 80’s, but we’re not dead”, Brie said with a smile.
“May I ask how often?”
“That’s really going a little too far, Elijah Michael”, David chided.
“Sorry. Thought I’d ask.”
“Why did you want to know?”
“B and I had a bet. He didn’t think I had the balls to ask and I had to prove him that I was blunt enough to ask.”
“And what do you get for doing so?” Brie asked.
“Whatever I want.”
“AH. We see. Well, B, my husband and I are still very active to satisfy your curiosity. How often? Quite. I’m not giving exact details. That’s none of anyone’s business. Now, if there are other questions let’s just get them out so that these questions don’t come up again.” She looked expectantly at her family.
“Does Dad need help in that department?” James asked.
“No”, Brie said unabashedly. “Your father needs no assistance in any aspect as far as things in the bedroom go. Anything else?”
“Not that I want to ask with small children in the room”, Ira laughed.
“Then that’s a no? Good. This had better never come up again. All of you over a certain age should realize that just because we’re in our 80’s doesn’t mean that we don’t like to have fun and do so often. We’re not dead yet. Any other stupid questions will be treated as such. Don’t ask again.” She flashed a smile at her family and looked at David. “I’d like to go out to the cottage now.”
David just laughed. “As you wish, love.” He looked at Jacob. “Take your mother and me out to the cottage please, Jake?”
Jake laughed in shock. “No problem, Dad.”
---------------
Once they were alone in the cottage, Brie looked at David. “Baby, Eli has stones”, she laughed.
“No kidding”, he laughed. “Huge ones.”
“What got me was that James had the nerve to ask if you had trouble getting and keeping it up. I bet you have more stamina in your little toe than he does in his entire body.”
“The person to ask as far as that goes would have to be Kenna”, he chuckled. “I’m still amazed that Eli asked if we’re still active. Why wouldn’t we be?”
“People assume that because we’re in our 80’s that we don’t have the drive anymore I suppose.”
“I’m still attracted to you, even though I’m 84 and you’ll be 81 soon. What is so shocking about that?”
“I don’t think that it’s shocking that we’re still attracted to each other. I think it’s shocking that we still act on that attraction. I still think you’re sexy as hell. As Christopher Titus put it once, I found my ice cream truck.”
“Ice cream truck?”
“You’d have to watch the standup bit in order to understand. Just know that it’s a good thing.”
“Well, I would assume. Ice cream truck means ice cream for a nominal fee. Ice cream means happiness. Hence, ice cream truck means happiness.”
Brie laughed. “Oh, baby. I love your logic.”
“Thank you. I thought that made sense.”
“Perfect sense. Flawless logic.”
“And the kids and grandkids think we’re senile.”
“Little do they know, right?”
“Right.” He sighed. “What are we going to do with ourselves tonight?”
“We could watch a movie?”
He nodded. “We could. And if one thing leads to another?”
“I’m gonna scream so loud it wakes the dead”, she laughed. “I’m sure that Sampson and Delilah will come to the front door and start scratching until they figure out what’s going on in here.”
“Nothing gives you performance anxiety like brown eyes at the end of the bed.” He held his hand up just below his eyes.
“Oh, I remember those days after we got Sampson and Delilah. They’d wanna sleep in our room and you’d wanna fool around. Eventually they learned how to open the door. All of the sudden you’d get a cold nose against your leg. ‘God dammit, dog! What the hell? How did you get in here?’ You’d put the dogs out of the room and lock the door. Eventually, we’d recover the mood and finish what we started.”
He couldn’t help but laugh. “Ah… those were the days. Kicking the dogs out and locking the door so I could love on you. Chasing the kids off after they would interrupt. Where did the time go?”
“I wish I knew because there are a few of those years I’d love to steal back.”
---------------
Once everyone had gone home or settled in for the night Ira, Tony, and Levi sat in Ira’s room and talked. “I can’t believe how blunt Gramma is”, Levi said.
“I can”, Ira laughed. “She just said what she had to say and didn’t care. She stated just how it was gonna be and that was that. I love our grandmother.”
“I think we all do”, Tony chuckled. “Now, gentlemen, are you ready for a road trip?”
“WHOO!” Ira howled.
“Gambling”, Levi said.
“Show girls.” Tony grinned.
Ira laughed. “And pussy galore!”
“BOND. JAMES BOND!” The boys all laughed and toasted the bottles of water they hand in their hands.
There was a knock on the door. “Boys, is everything okay in there?” Jake asked through the door.
“Yeah Dad. We’re just joking around”, Ira said.
“I heard something about James Bond.”
Ira opened the door. “You might as well come in Dad. It’s weird to hold a conversation through a door.”
Jake stepped in. “What was with the sudden burst of laughter and ‘Bond. James Bond’?” he asked.
“It’s an inside joke. Every time one of us uses a title or character from a James Bond movie, we say that.”
“And how did that come up?”
“This time, Uncle Jake?” Tony asked.
“For starters, Anthony.”
“Well, we were discussing our trip and Ira said, ‘pussy galore’”, Levi laughed.
Jake laughed. “Ok. Pump your breaks boys. That’s more than I needed to know.” He shook his head. “First my 26 year old nephew asks my 80 year old parents is they’re still active sexually, then my son and two nephews his age all joke about pussy and James Bond. What a fucking day”, he said as he walked away and closed the door.
“Anyway”, Ira said as his father walked away, “are we ready to tear up LA and Vegas?”
Levi and Tony looked at each other and nodded, returning their gaze to Ira. “Oh yeah. Look out Vegas! The Draiman boys are coming for ya!”
---------------
Jeremiah and Jona got their kids settled in for the night and cuddled on their couch. “I cannot believe the size of Eli’s balls”, Jeremiah said.
“Neither can I”, Jona laughed. “Did he seriously ask your parents of they still have sex?”
“Yes. And, I’ll have to be honest. I did not need to know that my parents still screw. I could have gone the rest of my life not knowing that my parents still have sex in their 80 and that Dad has no problem getting it up.”
“I know. I’m sure my folks still do too. Doesn’t mean I want to know about it.”
“Exactly. And James? What in the world?”
“What do you mean?”
“How the hell are we twins when we’re so different?”
She laughed. “He’s brazen, that’s for sure.”
“No, that wasn’t brazen. That was ridiculous. Do you really want to know if your father has erectile problems? I sure don’t. Now I have a metal image burned into my brain that will never go away.”
“I think Jake’s of the same opinion.”
“Jake has walked in on them having sex before. Not recently, but it’s still happened. I think he’s less shocked. I’ve never walked in on them. I’ve interrupted them, but never walked in on them. Now, they the thought… I honestly think I’m traumatized.”
Jona laughed at her husband. “My dear sweet ‘Miah. Is there anything I can do to help rid you of the mental picture of your parents making love in their 80’s?”
Jeremiah chuckled. “I can think of a couple things, all of which would involve going to our bedroom and locking the door.”
She pressed her lips to his. “Are you always such an horn dog?”
“We’ve been married for 15 years. You didn’t know?” he laughed.
“I did… I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t hallucinating.”
“Nope. This is me, baby.”
She claimed his lips and gave him just enough passion in that kiss to leave him breathless. “Then why don’t we go take your mind off of the crazy things you heard earlier and see what other trouble we can get into?”
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